2007 !

Just so Cybele can move me from her 'dead, dead blogs' list, I'm updating my year in the life blog.

Seven bridges road

April Surprises...

Juggling festival in the Bahamas,
booked in Duluth ( a home coming dance?)
and finding that people are reading my blog.

Teaching a couple of Comedy writing workshops -- one is eight hours and focused on professionals. Currenlty working on several scripts for a variety of clients and a book of stories from my family.

Dave

Plastic Jesus

GEEK news version 7.0 Valentines day geeklinks(TM)

Well, um

Face it. We're way too cool.

****************************

Did I send this? Lego pc's
http://members.cox.net/richw/lego.htm

thaco theater?http://www.councilofdoomtheatre.com/shows.html

from geekman.ca

Imperial forces recruiting page: http://members.outpost10f.com/~sonata/empire/

Napoleon Dynamite is either a good movie or its not. I can't tell if its about anything.

My latest writing obsession & I love the name:

Matte black Military Cap-O-Matic Fisher Space Pen

see it here: http://www.rei.com/product/13006933.htm

Games university? Let me in! http://www.studentnewspaper.org/view_article.php?article_id=20041025151714

IT WHAT? http://www.zdnet.com.au/news/security/0,2000061744,39180674,00.htm



Enjoy

David

PS just did a middle school career day --as a professional juggler.

Elvis has left the building--

Bryan P. Dyess, Steven E. Kent, Timothy R. Sperling and Audrey M. Tailor

Yesterday

Well, a year in the life of a comedy writer. I suppose I could post every movie I've seenthis year, or the number of 2 liter bottles of vanilla coke I've consumed and what their volume equals ( probally not as large as the William A. irving, now docked in Duluth, but still a frightening amount of soda) or like many people my New Year's Resloutions.

But I won't.

Dave

PS A friend of mine emailed that a cubic meter of water equals a metric ton. Can that be right?

THE BOY IN THE BUBBLE

Free from easy money making schemes, Rolex ads or ferret legging

What you won’t find here.

If you want " Harry Potter": you’re looking in the wrong place.

Listen. This is for those bloggers who include pop stars like Paris Hilton and David Hasslehoff in their blogs just to sex them up and get more hits when someone googles a key word in a search like -- "P.T. Cruiser" or "great movie reviews".

Not me.

( main point one)

I will not pander to the lava soap washed masses, running to the tube to catch Survivor‘s special Malcolm in the Middle edition. If Garrison Kellior's A Prairie Home Companion radio comedy show is your bag of wax; there go there and enjoy a homegrown Minnesota viewpoint.

Google be dammed! I say.

I will not be part of that pod. Apples to oranges. I remember pet rocks and will stay firmly planted in the twentieth century – election fraud or no indications of collusion wide spread election fraud. Its wrong, just to put in a bunch of words – many not even relating to the theme of the blog at all. ( Like putting "Walt Disney World" in a blog that’s really about your success or failure with that special low-carb Atkins / south beach diet you started because Oprah talked about on Dr. Phil. ) It’s like the full house twins Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen missing their senior prom to appear on Saturday Night Live.

If Alicia Keys wants to find my blog, she will. Ferrel rats could not make me add more random pop culture references to pacify those Pez collecting, Dorrito eating, Star Wars freaks. Don’t let machines take over like in planet of the apes. Though I may be confusing my dystopian** sci-fi noir movies here – it might have been blade runner or that other one where robots take over. ( Ah yes. I remember it now. Terminator.) ( Why did I remember Sigourney Weaver being in that? She was in Alien.)

(Main point 2)

Keep it real I say. But don’t unnecessary street slang like phat or tight or cool just to attract that x-games watching, mountain dew drinking playstation II playing teen crowd that all the biggest advertisers like Nike and Coke are after. Be more middle-of-the-road like the Wall Street Journal. Don’t play into their hands like Rupert Murdoch’s "fair and balanced" FOX news reporters scandalous special exciting report during November sweeps. Is you want gossip or celebrity fashion tips, you won’t find that here. Try exotic Morocco.

I’m no Michael Moore, making politically tinged documentaries with a twist of comedy. Did you see him on Letterman? Like a hyper-sexed narwhal, I aim high. Over-clocking your blog just to get more hits is like, well, Mr. Steven King writing a comic book for soccer moms driving popular SUV’s to the Walmart. Botox this!

I’m proud to say I’m not, as they say, a popular breed of dog, but rather like the g-sting on a Les Paul hard body rock guitar; forgotten but necessary. Schwarzenegger did it his way and so did Hervez Vilachez. Now there’s a Thursday night pay per view WWF wrestling tag team combo! Is anyone at HBO listening? Paging Mr. Donald Trump, white courtesy phone, it London calling with a message in a bottle.

(MP3)

Hey Matt Drudge! "Halliburton recumbent multi-million dollar kickbacks lucrative post-it note" isn’t even a proper sentence. You may be "the fonz" for drug addled (why must it always be drug addled and not some other term? Drug stupified? Drug ingestive? drup enraptured but with weak corporate speaking skills?) steam-powered talk radio hosts talking dirty and quaffing illegal pharmaceuticals faster than a bowl of Reese’s Pieces disappears from Steven Spielberg’s coffee table; but to me you’re just a rock star wanna be dressed in a double breasted ( law) suit. There. That’s exactly the type of high-minded intellectual insight you can expect to find here. Not the lord of the rings, fries or even the dance. If you want insight on the lasted internet virus or ways to lower you home mortgage – phone a friend, already. Can you hear me now?

So, for the record :

This log will not contain mentions of the war in Iraq, Tiger Woods, Australian beer, rampant electronic anti-Nader voter election fraud in swing states, importing drugs from Canada, Elvis and Madonna dating tips, the second tier candy long forgotten by the best generation (" red hots") or the growing popularity of NASCAR racing in the European Union. I also don’t condone the goldfish swallowing craze of the 1950's.

So, as long as the electoral college functions, as long Cher's farewell tour stays on the road and as long as high schools kids keep snickering when the football announcer says " here come the Trojans!" on a cool Alabama night with frost on Walden pond and the desperate yearning of romance is in the air, I shall not move from my position. No pandering to search engines. Be pure!

Just say no. I did. So did Michael Jordan.

David



** Don’t let my high-toned vocabulary scare you off like the department of homeland security ‘s color coded Security Threat Condition advisory system. I didn’t go to Harvard or Yale or any other ivy league school where they have "skull and bones " secret fraternity rituals like those George W. Bush was involved in. I’m just another product of a pretty good public ( PGP) school education who wishes the Vikings could overcome their desperate lack of a fourth quarter game to take them to the very top of the NFL super bowl cheerleaders director’s cut.


Eminem.

Space Oddity

My hero, George W. Bush


...The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming...
Theodore Roosevelt
April 23, 1910

Thank you, Mr. President for giving the common man a hero. Everyone knows what the world thinks of the us, and that’s because of you. You are almost everything we could ask for in a president. Simple. Driven. Majestically uncomplicated.

The many things that you’ve done boggle the mind. Overcoming a drunk driving arrest and questions about your National Guard service, you have risen above an ordinary intellect, and did not let your rich parents’ connections smother your formative years as the president of the Delta Kappa Epsilon fraternity.

Mr. President, do not worry too much about the debates. Kerry is a college boy who excels at clear thinking, arguments, rhetoric, logic and debate. Your bring something else to the table. A fiery, hot headed and emotional state, something Mr. Kerry lacks. Passion is vastly different from mastery of the English language. And, unlike your opponent, you are working for global climate change everyday.

Faith above all! -- you seem to say. – Believe in it and it will come true. I wish my faith were that strong. God does not speak to me or even directly to my minister, so you must be special. Not just our opponents are fanatical about their religion. Facts, science and logic fall away in the face of your strong fundamentalism.

Stay the course in Iraq Mr. President, a bold leader is unafraid to go it alone into a war in the Middle East, regardless of the cost. Protect the world’s oil supply, keep those pipelines open and bring gas to America. Halliburton is an American company and deserves to profit from this war, however long it takes.

Do not be afraid to be constantly influenced by your friend and mentor Dick Cheney ( Cheney in 2008! He's next in line.) He is pushing past mistakes and spending money whenever necessary to insure that American will long be remembered for this war. Focused, as you are, on today, you leave the worries of tomorrow for our children. These past four years have shown us what we can expect from such a man as yourself.

As Tina Turner says in her song; "We don’t need another hero". But I think we do. Someone has to step into the big shoes left by Dan Quayle, Oliver North, Joseph McCarthy, Tom DeLay Trent Lott and Richard Nixon. All these men are worthy of scrutiny, though I suspect that you will be remembered far longer than any of these men. Like the wall in Washington, there will be a memorial to you.

The ultimate responsibility rests with you, Sir, and that fact alone drives me everyday. Whenever I think of what American has become, whenever I wonder about the future, whenever I salute the flag, I think of you, Mr. President. Every single day, I wait for your leadership and honesty. Thank you for giving me a reason to vote this Tuesday. In your presidency, there is nothing like the truth to guide a man, such as myself.

I am forever humbled by your work, and your record, as we all should be.

David

A kind of magic

For example, the first chapter of a children's book...

Miracle Man of Water Street
copyright 2001-2002 David P Walbridge



The sign above the door said Curios.

One marble step went up from the street into the little shop.

The door was half open, and the inside looked dark and cool, so I went in. The shop itself was tiny, and seemed to go way back into the building. It smelled damp, of furniture oil and wrapping paper. Every wall was covered with shelves and every shelf had stuff on it. Shiny stuff, mysterious things, and oddities. Looking around I saw a brass chest, a diamond necklace and a human skull.

On one side of the store was a dusty glass counter. Behind it was a man, standing perfectly still. He might have been 25, he might have been 50. Under one hand was a dowel, black with brown ends. A magic wand. Behind his shoulder was a little sign in a glass frame. It had one word written in script: Poof.

Poof He said, Means gone.

I watched.

It is the same idea as Aabracadabra, but faster. He leaned forward.

The hand. Is quicker than the eye. Your eye.

I stared.

Would you like to see some magic? He asked. I nodded fast.

He opened his hand. In it were four shiny quarters. He picked them out of his hand and let them dribble back in.

Magic is deception. Illusion, theater and the world's greatest con.

His left hand, un-moving, held the four quarters. In his right he picked up a wand. I watched. He closed his fist hiding the coins. He tapped his fist once with the wand. Unfolding it, there were just three quarters.

He closed it again. Tapped it twice. And opened. One coin. One!

I stopped breathing.

He looked up at me and smiled.

Say goodbye He said. Tapping his hand.

Goodbye I squeaked.

He slowly opened his fingers, one at a time. There was noting there. Empty.

I wanted to know how. Had to know. Now.

I'll trade you... Thinking. What did I have that he wanted?

No.

I'll go and get you some...

Not interested.

What do you want? I asked, desperate to know the workings of his miracle.

Me? Need? Hmmm. Someone to sweep, I suppose. Take out the trash. Wipe the windows and all...

Work? I got enough of that at home. But I had to find out...

All right. I'll work. We shook on the deal.

So I would be working at the curio shop in exchange for magic lessons. Or at least that what I thought I was getting into....

end chapter one