Jingle jangle jingle...

( I'd forgotten I wrote this. Apologies to Shel Silverstein.)

A Hobby of Mine
( c) 2003 Walbridge


Some kids collect marbles, some collect sticks
My brother collects onions, my sister? Bricks.
I’ve picked something different, rather unique
Something that used to make my head leak
Not keeping old crayons like my friend Fred
I’m not saving old boxtops, its sneezes instead.

Sneeze free for more than year
That’s the world record, except for a bear
Not a drip, not a drop has left its nose place,
No dribble has leaked down the front part of my face
Nose juice and sneeze pellets, remarkably mine
No one can match them, a collection so fine
A museum of sinus creme, my hobby unique
You’ll have to stand closer, If you want a peek.

Step right up folks, only a nickel.
Gaze all you want to, no flashlights, they tickle
Is it a sculpture or American history?
No flash photography, it weakens the mystery.

But one day, they’ll leave me
In a burst, all at once
Exploding into the troposphere,
Like an astronaut’s lunch
My collection finished, though it was fun
In an all gigantic sneezer, just one B-I-G one.

Another kid will be the champ, he’ll be the new king
And I’ll start a new hobby, collect a new thing.
Perhaps monogrammed knockwurst or toast from Brazil
or chocolate trilobites or bunker hill?

Oh wait, its starting, a tickle inside
Brace yourself, mother, best to go hide
Time to share my nose friends, to give them air
Clear the kitchen, move the chairs!

Its suddenly urgent to address this concern
Expelling the swelling that’s been dwelling in my head
And let the Guinness book people finally learn
How much is up there, packed denser than lead?

Oh no,
Aaaaaaaaaacccccccccccchhhhhhhhhhhhhhoooooo!

Tissue, I missed you.